When It All Falls Down
by darveyandsuits
Summary: Hey Guys! Long time no see! It's literally a Christmas miracle I'm posting this haha, it's not edited for the most part but I just really wanted to start something and get it posted Missing Darvey so so much! :'( *Might be changing this chapter later on once I've had a bit more sleep :) Merry Christmas Darvey fam bam xxx


"I don't want to love you anymore"

"What?" His lips involuntarily quiver, his voice so low and the muscles in his face losing their strength giving away how weak he felt.

"It hurts.. it hurts so much Harvey," she cries softly, the tears streaming down her porcelain skin, her body beginning to tremble. She thinks this is it for her, that this might actually to the thing that breaks her. Engulfs her into thin air, making her disappear. "Loving you causes me pain….and I don't want to be in pain anymore." She thinks that maybe that wouldn't be the worst idea, almost a warm welcome, to feel nothing for a change. Looking at him she smiles melancholically, her eye browns crinkled in the middle, head tilted to the side taking him in one last time.

He holds her heart in his pocket, like he has since the very moment she looked at him across the room in the bar over a decade ago. Succumbing so easily to the need to give it too him when she shook hand. Voluntarily giving him the tools to destroy her, but she didn't care, she saw him in that moment and she knew. Knew of this more than anything she'd ever known before… that he was different. The one.

Standing there in the middle of her living room, her eyes nailed to the floor unable to look up at him anymore, afraid it might make her change her mind. Fidgeting with her hands, adjusting her rings and bringing her left hand to hold on to the necklace she's wearing, sliding the pendant along the chain, fidgeting. Realising it's one he bought for her birthday one year. She wraps her fist around the diamond pendant. Is he going to say anything? She wants to leave but it's her apartment.

"I… I'm so sorry. Oh god, I'm so sorry Donna." He finally says in a strangled whisper. His face is torn, as if she's physically cut him open and taken out a vital organ and then left him for dead. She notices his face is paler, slightly ghostly even. She's so angry, the anger so deeply rooted in her, except it's not really anger at all. It's despair. Not wanting to make herself more vulnerable than she already was, she responds in anger.

"You're sorry?" She half yells, choking on her words. She's taken a step backwards, her hands in front of her as if shielding her. "This… I… my life" She says croakily, tears in her voice, stepping back once more she bumps lightly into the wall. She can't annunciate the words she needs to get the sentence out, her thoughts in chaos.

"Donna… Donna please." He steps closer to her, wanting to hold her so desperately, to hold her so tightly all the suffering was squeezed out of her. Of both of them. To see her tears fade away and her trembling to cease.

He notices her breathing quicken and he worries that it's too fast and too shallow, and he sees how he was himself once upon a time and it elicits that hell within him also.

"Please what can I do" He asks anxiously now, not knowing what to do, the site of his world crumbling leaving his problem-solving skills a thing of the past.

"I don't think there's anything you can do now Harvey." Her voice evening out slightly, the tremor still ever present. She looks up at him, their eyes locking and he feels it. The feeling only she's able to evoke in him. It plunges through him, sends currents to his heart and feels the pain… the lovely pain of it coursing through him.

She can't stay here, he doesn't understand and she can't spell it out for him, only to have him confess that he doesn't feel that way.

He takes another step towards her confused, as she takes one away from him. He takes another one quickly, before she makes it a one step forwards, one step backwards dance.

"I'll do anything. Please just tell me what you need." He whispers, begging her with his tear-filled eyes and shaky voice, hoping that she actually heard it. His arms limp, shoulders hanging in utter defeat. She was also the only one that would make him feel so weak and powerless. Seeing her like this all he wanted to say to her is that he loved her. So, so much. He wanted to make sure she knew she was loved, when she looked like she thought she was all alone in the world. Looking at her face, her beautiful eyes, swollen from crying, something in him changed, he realised what he'd been so terrified of feeling, of telling her was the one thing he needed to do. He wanted to say it, he'd never had a stronger instinct to do so. He didn't want her to feel unloved. Ever. Because he loved her, so much he could barely breathe. It hurt, feeling the way his love for her bubbled up to the surface, escaping. But he was a good sort of ache, one that he never wanted to go away. A type of ache that he imagined because his body wasn't big enough to house all the love he had for her.

And In that moment he has to tell her, the feelings from since the moment he met her. Some feelings that he didn't even know he had. All he knew was that she was all he needed. Today. Tomorrow. For the rest of his life.

"I'd do anything for you, you know that Donna"

"Even if I said all I need is you?"

Fear instantly started racing through his veins, as if on cue from all the years of suppressing his feelings and the fear of loving. He didn't say anything and they were left standing in silence for several moments.

It was then that he realised that the tears escaping the rims of her eyes and cascading down her face, the devastation in her eyes and how her mouth trembled, trying its hardest to stay strong and not waver in defeat eclipsed any form of fear he had. She was greater than the fear, the fear of losing her.

Suddenly he was walking towards her, closing the last few steps between them before creasing her cheek and bringing his lips to hers. Swallowing her last sob for her as his lips brushed against hers, softly yet so passionately, their feelings palpable for the other to touch. They break away for a moment, their chests rising and falling as their forehands rest against one another's.

The distance an unwelcome intruder, causing Donna to move her face down slowly off his forehead, lightly brushing her nose against his, giving him Eskimo kisses before bringing his top lip on between hers, sinking into his mouth.

"Harvey, I cant."

"What do you mean? You kissed me back."

"I want to Harvey. Believe me. God. I. Want. To." "I just... I can't take this game anymore. I want you. So. Badly" she whispers brokenly, her face pressed up against his, unable to break apart, but needing to get this out because if another round of games starts, she's doesn't know how she'll cope. "But I cant keep letting you lead me around in circles. I don't think I can physically take it anymore" She brings her eyes back up to his, glazed with a layer of tears that have yet to fall.

He looks into her broken gaze, feeling as if her confession has just cut through his chest, yanked out his lungs and strangled them, leaving him silently gasping for air as he searches her eyes for something to hold onto. But he knows it's all his fault, and that his pain is a direct reflection of what he's done to her. He wants to hold her forever, and never let her go. To keep her safe and make sure she never feels the pain that she's feeling in this moment ever again. He feels sick, the realisation washing over him that he's ruined the best thing that ever came into his life, and he didn't ever realise it... or didn't want to realise it.

"I... I'm so... so sorry." Breathing out a distraught breath.

He's going to kill me you know, she thought to herself. And the worst part is he won't even know that he's done it.

"What do you want from me Harvey?" She says softly moving her face back from his, giving some distance between then. But not much. Stepping slightly from side to side, she looks down at her feet doing so, waiting for an answer than she's not sure she's going to get.

 _What do I want from her?_ I want you to let me love you, I want the rules broken, I want to not feel terrified.. to love you.. of losing you, he thought to himself, but held back. He wanted to feel what it would be like lying in her arms again, to feel her kisses against his bare lips, to tell her how beautiful she was and to not be afraid of doing so. He wanted to wake up every morning with her being the first thing he saw.

"I want you. I want all of you. Forever" He said more confidently now, stepping a fraction closer to her, making up for the distance that she'd just precious made between them.

He brought his fingers up to her cheek and softly cascaded the down her cheek, along her jaw. She trembled at the tingling feeling it left and the way it seemed to set her flesh on fire, by the kind that didn't burn, but instead only kept you warm.

"I'm so sorry Donna. I'm sorry that I've been clueless for the past 15 years... that I never told you or showed you that I loved you like I love the air I breathe. I was an idiot and I hurt you and I was too selfish and caught up with my own problems that I neglected to see what it might be doing to you. But I. do. I love you." He pressed his lips to hers, feeling the water that had built up in her eyes, break over the edge as it runs down her nose and falls right into their kiss. They keep coming, like a tap that hasn't quite been turned off properly. Both his hands are holding her face, thumbs moving over her cheeks, there to catch the tears that keep falling.

She's so overwhelmed, it feels like she's living in a dream, albeit a perfect, beautiful dream, where she's just found out the love of her life is in love with her. She had lost nearly all hope of this ever happening, only in her dreams did it ever actually come true.

Kissing him back, she let go completely, sinking into him, moving her hands up to weave there way into his hair, she feels his tongue glazing across her bottom lip, waiting for her to give him access. There's tongues begin to dance to the beat of their hearts, his left hand lowering to press against her lower back. She feels every cell in her body erupt into desire, and all of a sudden before thinking twice she has her fingertips on his shirt, pulling up from out of his trousers.

Harvey reciprocates, pulling at her jumper, pushing it up her body until she breaks the kiss and raises her arms, making it easier for him to remove. The jumper flops to the floor, her hands moving to the buttons on his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders. Simultaneously she lifts up her arms as he pulls her t-shirt up and over. There in a frenzy, over a decade of hidden feelings coming to life


End file.
